Things That Chap My Hide - A Closer Look At My Pet Peeves

A few days ago I read a delightful hub by one of my favorite hubbers, fastfreta. The hub is entitled, My Pet Peeves…What are Yours? Through the crystal ball of the written word she opened the door to her world and for a brief moment allowed us to join her.

It was a delight to read some of the things that really “get to her”. Living in a society where most hide behind mask, it was refreshing to see someone write with such transparency.

After reading My Pet Peeves…What are Yours? I left a comment for the author. I shared with her a pet peeve of my own and told her I may write a hub about some of my pet peeves. Being gracious and classy as she always is, she encouraged me to do so.

Because of the importance of the subject I did not want to be hasty in my writing. I decided to take a few days to meditate. After hours of sitting with my legs crossed, eating yogurt and chanting boogie woogie I have accomplished my mission.

What you are about to read is the product of much soul searching. I will reveal to you ten forces of evil which war against the peace and harmony of my universe. In other words, here is a list of things that chap my hide.

10. People who whistle, hum or sing to themselves.

What I would like to say to them. “Didn’t I see you on American Idol? Yeah, that’s right, you were the one Simon said sucked and had no talent.”

9. People who talk loudly on their cell phones.

What I would like to say to them, “Excuse me, but nobody within a fifty mile radius gives a #@$! about what you are saying.”

8. People who call everyone of the opposite sex by a pet name.

What I would like to say to them, “ My name is not baby, sugar, honey or handsome. My name is Sam. It is only one syllable. Even someone with a low IQ such as yours still should be able to annunciate it properly.”

7. People who squeeze the tube of toothpaste in the middle.

What I would like to say to them, “Do this again and someone else will have to brush your teeth for you. Because I will break your freakin fingers.”

6. People who gripe and complain about everything.

Usually these are the people who say, “Why did you do it like that? You should have done it this way.

What I would like to say to them, “I started to do it that way but decided not to. Because I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to hear you bitch about it.”

5. People who take up two parking places.

I don’t want to say anything to these people. I just want to slice their tires.

4. People who wear to much perfume or cologne.

What I would like to say to them, “Wow, I didn’t know you moonlighted as a two dollar whore.”

3. People with poor manners.

What I would like to say to them, “Thanks, for chewing with your mouth open. I always wondered what lasagna looked like before it was swallowed.

2. People who have a conspiracy theory about every thing.

What I would like to say to them. “ Oh, I do believe you. Just this morning three men dressed in black came to my door asking questions about you.”

DRUM ROLL PLEASE. The number one all time pet peeve of samboiam is.....

1. Questions about the obvious.

This is the one that irritates me the most. Without fail I encounter this pet peeve on a daily basis. Let me share with you the story I shared with fastfreta.

For those of you who have read my profile you know I work at a maximum security prison. One day I was standing at a mesh gate waiting to be let into a certain part of the prison. An officer on the other side of the gate turned to me and asked, “Do you want me to let you in?"

What I would like to have said to him, “No. I am trying to get over being homophobic. So I am standing here staring at your butt.”

Now that you have read my list of pet peeves. Get inspired and write a hub about your own.

Be sure and check out these hubs and discover some pet peeves from other hubbers.

http://hubpages.com/hub/My-Pet-PeevesWhat-Are-Yours

http://hubpages.com/hub/pet_peeves