3 Keys To A Successful Marriage - Building Healthy Relationships

No one gets married expecting the marriage to crumble and fall apart. Most everyone who says “I do”, does so with the hope of having a healthy and happy relationship.

Though not a licensed therapist or marriage counselor, I would like to think that I have learned a thing or two through 19 years of marriage. I believe the principles I have learned will be beneficial to any marriage, whether you are in your first year of marriage or celebrating your golden anniversary.

Keys To A Successful Marriage # 1 - Do not abandon the fundamentals of a successful marriage

So we can all be working with the same definition, let’s define fundamental.

According to dictionary.com fundamental is defined as:

Something that is an essential or necessary part of a system or object.

When I think of fundamentals my mind immediately thinks back to my days in school when I played sports. Regardless of the sport they all had one thing in common. If we did not master the fundamentals of the sport which we were playing we could guarantee ourselves a losing season.

There are two basic fundamentals of marriage that I would like to focus on specifically.

• Love must be expressed verbally.

Whether you are male or female most of us like to have others verbally affirm their love for us. I try to tell my wife several times a day I love her.
Of course verbal affirmation of your love does not have to be limited to those three little words.

Sometimes when my wife comes home from work I may say something along the lines of, “Well looky there, a sexy woman just walked through my door.”

If you read my hub, 5 Keys To A Happy Marriage, then you know I encouraged you to not only tell your spouse you love them but to tell them why. This is another good way of expressing your love.

• Love must be demonstrated.

Do you wait until you are in “ the dog house” with your spouse before you do something to demonstrate your love? Gentleman, if your wife likes getting flowers and cards then do not use the opportunity of making amends be the only time you do this. Buy those things for her when you are thinking of her not because you need to get your you-know-what out of a sling.

I challenge you to think of some ways you can demonstrate your love for your significant other. Pick one or two of those and do them in the next seven days. You may find yourself amazed at the benefits of such an act. You might possibly find yourself looking for other opportunities to express your affection. Receiving a smile for that little act of kindness sure beats the mumbling under the breath you get when you tick’em off.

If married couples would make these two fundamentals a priority, they would soon discover one of the secrets of a happy marriage.

Keys To A Successful Marriage # 2 - Praise them to others; especially when they are not present.

Take every opportunity to praise your spouse in front of others. You will be surprised how this will strengthen your relationship. Even if you think it is something that no one else will care about. It’s amazing how that offer of appreciation can get back to the object of your appreciation. It will also help others to look at your spouse in a more positive way.

Keys To A Successful Marriage # 3 - Never allow others to speak negatively of your spouse.

All couples have moments of disagreements. It is human nature for us to gravitate toward people who will “take our side”. Usually when we surround ourselves with these type of supporters they are quick to tell us how right we are and how much of an a@# your spouse is.

This is not healthy because negativity germinates quickly. If you allow yourself to dwell on the negative comments others make about your spouse eventually you will regard your significant other in a negative manner. Keep in mind that if you will hold to Truth #3, then others will follow suit.

Closing thoughts:

In most marriage vows we promise to love and cherish our spouse till death do us part. The word cherish means to regard with affection or to consider valuable.

How valuable is your marriage? Do you do things to protect it? Or do you allow outside influences and sources to devalue its worth in your eyes?  A lot of analogies come to mind when I think of showing value.  Horticulturist who grow beautiful roses take the time to cultivate and nurture.  If you have a vintage automobile you don’t allow anything to come near it that might mar the finish.  Take those same precautions with the love of your life.  Take the time to cultivate, nurture and protect what is valuable. 

Just some food for thought.

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