5 Keys To A Happy Marriage

I know this will be a real shocker to those who have ever read my hubs, but I feel I need to begin by saying I am not a licensed marriage counselor nor am I a professional therapist. However, I feel that I have learned a thing or two in the past 19 years of marriage that others may find beneficial or even enlightening.

I am often asked by younger couples, “Do you have any tips for a happy marriage?” I am amused by their eagerness for my answer. It almost reminds me of Dorothy standing before The Wizard hoping to find the key to her way home.

What I am about to share with you are my keys to a successful marriage. I do not promise you a life without conflict or uninterrupted marital bliss if you apply these tips to your life. What I do know is that these five tips have kept us together for almost 20 years.

Keys To A Happy Marriage # 1 - Don't just talk to your partner; communicate with them.

I realize this sounds like a cliché but communication truly is one of the anchors to a happy marriage. If the lines of communication become decimated the marriage will soon follow suit.

Here are some helpful tips in avoiding communication problems in marriage.

• Don’t assume they know how you feel.

Just because it seems obvious to you does not mean your significant other has picked up on your feelings. Chances are they do not have ESP. And even if they do, the reception is probably messed up due to ESPN.

• Don’t just hear, but listen and observe.

If only I could have picked up on this one in the early years I could have probably avoided many intense moments of fellowship. One of the advantages of being married for so many years is that you begin to learn your spouse. I know simply by Shari’s body language what kind of mood she is in. Whether she is sick, tired or totally pissed at Sambo. Remember what is not said is just as important as what is said.

• Share openly and honestly.

This does not mean you call them every name in the book or that you try to think of things that will hurt their feelings. It simply means you share, not only the problem, but what you feel the solution could be. In return you allow your other half the same courtesy. This is where the “talking through” process begins. You may be surprised at the insight your spouse has concerning the situation. Shari has a plaque hanging above my work area that reads, “if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you too”. Truer words have never been spoken.

• Talk about the “now” don’t dig up past disagreements or hurts.

Allow the past to stay there. There is nothing there that you can go back and redo. There are no “do-overs”. Bringing up past failures and hurts only broaden the gap between the two parties and hinder open communication.

Keys To A Happy Marriage # 2 - Don’t just tell them you love them; tell them why.

Listen gentleman, this is an important key. Most of us from the male gender do not communicate our feelings too well. It usually ends up sounding something like this. “Good for me. Cigarette?”

Here is something you may find helpful. Sit down and make a list of reasons you love your spouse. It doesn’t have to be a long list, maybe three or four reasons. My wife would probably be hard pressed to come up with five reasons why she loves me. Keep them with you or commit them to heart and about once a week say something to the fashion of “ I love you so much and let me tell you one of the reasons why.”

Keys To A Happy Marriage # 3 - Keep Laughter Alive

Laughter is one of the daily food groups for a healthy marriage. Let me clarify my statement. Laugh with one another not at one other. Do not demean or insult in the name of “good nature teasing” after a while it ceases to be funny.

Talk about funny things that have happened to you as a couple. Perhaps share a humorous experience from your childhood or a school experience.

Do not let life steal your ability to laugh. Keeping laughter alive is a vital ingredient to a happy marriage

Keys To A Happy Marriage # 4 - Continue to date.

Once children arrive upon the scene and we are overtaken by the business of life the very things that helped cultivate our love are soon pushed to the back burner. Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be something as simple as going down to the Dairy Queen for a banana split and a Coke.

This is not the time to talk about finances, problems or any other “heavy” subject. This is the time to be carefree and to enjoy each other. Take this opportunity to make good memories.

Keys To A Happy Marriage # 5 - Celebrate the small things

If your spouse is excited about something, show a little enthusiasm. Whether it is his team winning the ball game or she found a good deal at the grocery store, learn to celebrate the small things with one another.

Sometimes I am asked the question, “Is marriage worth it?”

To which I respond a resounding “Yes, it is”. It is not always easy. I have found in my own life that I don’t always appreciate the things that come easy. It is those things that I have achieved through my own blood, sweat and tears that I have treasured more. If throughout your relationship you are willing to weather the storms of life marriage will be the most fulfilling experience you ever have.

The copyright to 5 Keys To A Happy Marriage is owned by Sam Bristow. Permission to republish this article in print or online must be granted by the author in writing. (You can, however, freely use the opening introduction with a link to the article here on Hubpages to read the remainder of the article.)

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